What I Own

I’ve been thinking a lot about my life, planning for a future and everything that comes with that. The topic came up the other day about worth, both personal and physical worth, and I realized… I don’t really own much.
I’m an average 20-something post-grad living paycheck-to-paycheck in New York City. What this means is that I dump much more than half of each paycheck into rent and student loans. Student loans are THE WORST. Seriously. After that I have my utility bill, phone bill and credit card bills ( Haven’t used a credit card in almost two years, but still paying off Spice Girls concert tickets from 2007 and my trip to London in 2009… not kidding). Then there’s the regular monthly expenses of a metrocar, laundry and food. What’s left is just about enough to have a few drinks or buy pants and a shirt from H&M. Needless to say, my savings account has a balance of zero dollars and zero cents.

So what do I own? Certainly not my apartment. Technically not my education yet. I don’t and would never want to own the MTA. But these monthly grand payments feel like they should be at least going towards SOMETHING TANGIBLE!

So this is what I’ve got: Clothes, my iPhone, my MacBook, a bed, some random furniture, books, photos and a lot of useless crap I don’t need. It totally sounds like a #firstworlproblem to ONLY own a laptop and phone, but I feel that at my age, though still relatively young, I expected more out of life. I don’t want to spend a thousand dollars on a bottle of champagne or go extravagant restaurants , and in fact those stuffy fancy restaurants are the last place I want to be, but I’ve never been one to settle for “good enough.” That’s how I feel about my life right now. It’s fine. It’s a part of who I am to always want to fight my way up to something better. What I don’t know is whether or not this trait is a blessing or a curse. Does this mean I’ll NEVER be satisfied? Life would be so much easier to just be fine with how things are, but life isn’t about being easy.

So I’ve come to the realization that I need more money. Lol. It sucks that it always comes down to money isn’t it? I hate even saying that that is how I feel, but it is. Now, how I get that money is still a work in progress. Also, what are the things that I want to own? An apartment isn’t exactly practical right now because I couldn’t afford a cardboard box. But I don’t need to own an apartment. What I really want to do is travel more. I won’t necessarily own anything tangible other than suvineers, but I’ll be able to own that experience and the memories associated with it. Nothing could take that from me… right?

I OWN MY MIND NO MATTER WHAT.

I have some ideas of how to bring home the bacon (Pun intended if you know me), but nothing I can share right at the current moment in time. I guess you’ll have to tune in next time to an all new episode of “Stevie bitches and vents about life.”